Jokes

Hi every one,

Participate sending us your favorite jokes.

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The thrifty homeowner who discovered a mouse in the house refused to spend money on a piece of cheese for the mousetrap. Instead, he put a picture of a chunk of cheese in the trap. Next morning, he checked the trap and found that he’d caught a picture of a mouse.

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I Owe my Mum

My mother taught me about:

Religion: “You better pray that will come out of the carpet”!

Logic: “Because I said so, that’s why”!

Irony: “Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about”!

Stamina: “You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone”!

Anticipation: “Just wait until we get home”!

Receiving: You are going to get it when we get home”!

Humor: “When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me”!

Justice: One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you”!

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The Heart Attack

A blonde gets home from work early and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. She rushes upstairs only to find her husband naked lying on the bed, sweating and panting. “What’s up”, she asks.

“I think I’m having a heart attack”, cries the husband.

The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she is dialling, her four year old son comes up and says, “Mummy, mummy, Aunty Shirley is hiding in the wardrobe and she has no clothes on”.

The blonde slams the phone down and storms back upstairs into the bedroom right past her husband, rips open the wardrobe door and sure enough, there is her sister, totally naked cowering on the floor.

“You rotten *&^%$#,” she screams.

“My husband’s having a heart attack, and you’re running around naked playing hide and seek with the kids”!!!!!

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A blonde’s Joke

A blonde boarded a plane to Miami and sat down in first class.

A flight attendant asked her to move back to economy class because that’s was what her ticket said.

The blonde looked at the flight attendant and said, “I am blonde, and I’m beautiful and I’m going to Miami”.

The confused flight attendant went to get the head flight attendant, who came and asked the blonde to move back to economy.

The blonde again said, “I am blonde and I’m beautiful and I’m going to Miami”. She still didn’t move.

They called the Co-Pilot who also asked the blonde to move back to economy.

Again she replied, “I am blonde and I am beautiful and I am going to Miami.”

The pilot was called. He went up to the blonde and whispered something in her ear. She immediately got up and went back to economy.

The other stunned flight crew were amazed and asked the pilot what he had said to the blonde.

“I just told her that first class wasn’t going to Miami”?

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The Italian Man Who Went To Malta

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An “F” in Sex!!!

Sent by Bryan Whelan – 31/07/2010

(Considere que nas escolas em alguns países,  os alunos não são avaliados com nontas numéricas mas sim com letras de “A” a “F”, sendo “A” a mais alta e “F” a pior.)

A young girl asked her mum, “Mum, how old are you”?  Her mother told her she shouldn’t ask such personal questions of women. The young girl then asked her mum, “Mum, what do you weigh”?  Again the mum told her not to ask such personal questions.  Then the young girl asked, “Mum, why did you and dad get divorced”? This time the mum tersely told her to stop asking questions.  Later that day the young girl was playing with a friend and told her how her mum wouldn’t answer personal questions.  “It’s easy”, said the friend. “Just get her driver’s licence. It’s all on there”. The next day the young girl said to her mum. “Mum, I know how old you are. You’re 39.” The mum was stunned.  Then she said, “I also know how much you weigh, mum. 75 kgs”. “And mum, I know why you and dad got divorced”. “And why was that”? the mum asked. “Well mum,” said the young girl. “You got an “F” in sex”!!!!!

 

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